It's been a little while since I've blogged here. Really blogging has been the last thing on my mind. Everything has gone a little bit weird really.
The running has ground to a halt. I did the Great North 10k and did it in a pretty good time of 67 minutes. I was aiming for doing it in less than 70 minutes and was really proud to have beat that target. I also raised £250 for the Children's Heart Unit Fund at the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle, a charity close to my heart (excuse the pun) for saving my sister in law's life. All in all it was a good day's work.
But since then I've been seriously struggling for motivation. I've completely ground to a halt and lost quite a bit of my fitness, which is extremely irritating. This has really been due to my personal life, which is the real subject of this blogpost.
I'm effectively no longer married. My wife has moved out and gone back to her parents. This is somewhat of a cliche. She's been away more than she's been home since march as she took a job away, near where her parents live. So half the week she was here with my daughter and the other half of the week she, er, wasn't. This wasn't exactly an ideal living arrangement but there we go.
However since my last post she's now decided she doesn't want to live with me at all. It's all very amicable and theres nobody else but still. We've been together for over 11 years, since before we both started at university (indeed I travelled to see her most weekends in my fresher year whilst she was still in sixth form...). I don't quite know how to be single, it's all a teensy bit of a culture shock. Playing on the Xbox undisturbed has its advantages but after about two evenings it loses its sparkle. Just a bit.
I don't think things will be resolved. That's ok. However I don't quite know where to move on from here. Neither of us are from the north east and our lives have been very intertwined. We both have a few friends from work and a few mutual friends, but I certainly don't have a massive social circle up here. That's never been an issue, between work and Rosie and rebuilding the house I've not had the time for a large social circle. I've had enough to do. Its always been last buses and quiet nights in the pub and home with a chip supper. Nightclubs are no fun when youre not interested in the cattle market and either your mates are (evenings spent holding their drinks) or dancing round your handbag as a bloke looks plain stupid. I've never been on the leash but meeting new people is tough if you've not done it for so long.
Firstly, adjusting to being a non resident parent where my daughter is 70 miles away is going to be really tough. My in laws are both being really supportive which helps, but without a car it's tough to really pop over (its about three hours on a bus and similar on a train). That's a big disadvantage. But even worse is being home alone when I've been used to a full house, because Rosie has a certain presence, shall we say. The cats are pining which makes them more irritating than normal. The rest of the house is just too damn quiet. And why is cooking for one more expensive than cooking for three? It makes no bloody sense.
And secondly, tied in with the rest, is wondering where and how I'm going to meet someone else. I'm 29, I'm too young to sit on a shelf gathering dust. My friend has charmingly said I'm a bizarre mix between a teenager (appearance is king) and an old duffer who just wants a quiet glass of port and some cheese. A colleague suggested I should be more like Christian Grey, which quite frankly I think is an insult. I wouldn't use cable ties. Ahem. Though I'd happily hit anyone who talks about their inner goddess. Again, ahem.
It's not that I don't know how to flirt, it's that I don't know how to flirt when it actually has some risk. Flirting as sport is one thing, flirting to attract is quite another. I've tried a couple of times with people who seemed cool and made a right dog's dinner of it all. Hopefully practice makes pretty, though I'd rather not get too practised. A friend of a friend talks about going on "fanny hunts" when he's had too much beer and basically he's a tit. He looks ridiculous and we all laugh at him, so at least I have the self awareness not to do that. But hey. It's tough. I'm all rusty.
My best qualities generally are all a bit "boring". I'm honest and practical and a good ear and faithful. Something you'd like in a spaniel. My sense of humour is dry enough to mop spills and often comes across as simply plain tactless to strangers. I try and tone it down and just end up banal instead. Offensive or dull? Tough choice.
Hmm this has been a bit introspective for an open blog post. An well. This is who I am, and I think it's what makes me good at my job and good as a father. Even if they irritate me sometimes (my kid and the kids at work) I understand the same things. It helps, at least sometimes.
Does anyone have any hot single friends? ;0)
